So, tomorrow will be my first Mother's Day without mine. I have a friend whose Mom died about 10 years ago. She said she hated Mother's Day and wished it would be removed from the calendar. She felt that way until one Mother's Day she realized that she was a mother and her boys were not able to give her all they wanted to give because of her sadness and anger.
Because of her story I'm able to face this first motherless Mother's Day with a different attitude. I cannot change the fact that Mom is gone. But I can focus on my own precious children and enjoy my wonderful mother-in-law.
A year ago today (May 9), David and I preformed for a local church's coffee house. My Mom and Dad were both there, drank coffee and were our biggest fans. I loved having them there. This time last year, there had been a few months in a row when David and I had several concerts. May 9 was our last scheduled concert. I prayed and asked God why we didn't have any more "gigs" on our calendar. I didn't understand it at the time, but God knew something I didn't. We didn't know it that night by looking at Mom. She looked great and was interacting, truly enjoying herself. In 5 weeks and 2 days she would be gone.
Today, May 9, David and I have our first concert since that night at the coffee house. One year to the day. God knew I needed a year. He knew what He was doing not allowing us any new concerts. He knew.
He always knows. Recently I've been asking again for opportunities for David and for me too. In a matter of two days, we were asked for today's concert and for one next week.
Someone asked me yesterday, "Why pray?" It was the idea that all of us as believers have wrestled with at one time or another...why pray if a Sovereign God is going to do what He has planned? Certainly we prayed God would heal Mom...more than once, many times.
We pray because we are instructed to pray. Jesus even taught us how to pray. We also are given examples in Scriptures where God changed the "plan" because of prayers. I believe we pray too because the ultimate goal of God's heart is that we come to know Him in the prayers. We pray for situations in our lives...sicknesses, jobs, finances, etc. But I don't think it's about the situations. I believe it's about our coming to our Lord, praying in faith, believing, but also, yielding our desires to Him and coming into closer relationship with Him. He reveals Himself in these situations. He desires that we know Him and live to bring Him glory.
I am blessed. I am blessed to have had a fabulous Mother to remember at Mother's Day. I am blessed to have beautiful, healthy children to celebrate with daily. I am blessed above all else to have a God I trust who works all things together for my good.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Friday, December 19, 2008
"God demonstrates His own love"
Today's Gabriella's first full day off school for Christmas break after completing her first semester. It's Friday and I clean the house on Fridays. With two kids at home instead of just one, it may take longer than usual. This morning I was reading the Word and read in Romans 5:8 "God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." So I wondered, how can I help demonstrate God's love to my children today, Friday, cleaning day...?
So I wrote ideas down as quickly as they came to me. I can:
1. Prioritize them.
2. Give them my full attention.
3. Be patient with them, remembering they are children and I shouldn't expect too much from them.
4. Sacrifice something for them. Maybe just being willing to do this, even if it means I don't get to something that was on my "to do" list and not to get frustrated with myself if I have to sacrifice something.
As I sat and looked over my thoughts on paper, it hit me-these are the very things that the Lord has done for me and yes, continues to do for me daily!
1. He prioritizes me. Ephesians. 1:3-4 "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight." Psalms. 139:17 "How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!"
2. He gives me His full attention. Psalms. 34:15 "The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their cry..."
3. He is patient with me and remembers who and what I am. Psalms. 103:13-14 "As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust."
4. He sacrificed something for me. John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life."
So, to demonstrate God's love to my children, I pray for the strength to do what God does for me. This short list is in no way exhaustive, but is should get me through cleaning day and maybe even all of Christmas break.
So I wrote ideas down as quickly as they came to me. I can:
1. Prioritize them.
2. Give them my full attention.
3. Be patient with them, remembering they are children and I shouldn't expect too much from them.
4. Sacrifice something for them. Maybe just being willing to do this, even if it means I don't get to something that was on my "to do" list and not to get frustrated with myself if I have to sacrifice something.
As I sat and looked over my thoughts on paper, it hit me-these are the very things that the Lord has done for me and yes, continues to do for me daily!
1. He prioritizes me. Ephesians. 1:3-4 "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight." Psalms. 139:17 "How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!"
2. He gives me His full attention. Psalms. 34:15 "The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their cry..."
3. He is patient with me and remembers who and what I am. Psalms. 103:13-14 "As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust."
4. He sacrificed something for me. John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life."
So, to demonstrate God's love to my children, I pray for the strength to do what God does for me. This short list is in no way exhaustive, but is should get me through cleaning day and maybe even all of Christmas break.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Becoming my Mother
I'm laughing at myself this week as I feel like I'm becoming my Mother...something I said I'd never do (but don't we all say that!). This week I've begun scrapbooking. Mom left SO MUCH scrapbook stuff (among a myriad of other craft items-a room full)! I just began to play one day picking up in the book for Gabriella she'd begun. It was easy as most of the pictures had already been cut out and I had any item needed at my fingertips.
Also this week I've begun working on a Thanksgiving project. The centerpiece for the Thanksgiving table is going to be a Thankful Tree. It's gold and silver sprayed branches in a vase. On the branches each guest will hang a leaf. The leaves will be made of all kinds of patterned paper. On the leaf we'll each write what we are thankful for this year.
I'm putting together a few crafts for the kids' table so they won't get too bored while waiting.
Also this week I've gone to both Michael's and Hobby Lobby and had a White Chocolate Mocha with a shot of peppermint at Starbucks (Mom's favorite and way off my normal Pumpkin Spice Latte). But the one thing I've done this week that has really startled me into the realization of my altered behavior...while watching QVC in bed last night I grabbed a pad of paper and a pen and wrote down item numbers and descriptions of things I'd like to order. I found too many of these pages to number in Mom's night stand drawer after she died.
Here's the thing...life's too short. Life's too short to do all the things we want to do. Whether it's crafts or writing or shopping or wearing all the things we've ordered or whatever it is. Life's too short. Maybe in some strange way I'm trying to finish things for Mom. The Tuesday before she died, Mom's friend Marion came to visit her one last time. I was showing Marion around the house and came to Mom's craft room. I was frustrated that Mom was dying and she still had so much she wanted to do. There was a room full of projects she'd never come back in the room to finish. Marion said, "Maybe that's the way it should be. We should all be busy, creating, doing. If we ever finish, we'll just quite and give up." That changed my perspective and now I think of ways to fill up more of my days to use the energy and gifts God's given me for whatever time I have here.
But here's the cool part, on top of the days here, we as believers in Christ get eternity to keep doing. Just because we die or enter eternity when Christ returns, we don't cease to be who God created us to be.
I look at Mom's projects here...finished or unfinished. They're amazing. From my wedding dress to an arranged song, to a decoupaged lampshade to a scrapbook page to a floral arrangement to a painting to a recorded solo to any of her creations...they're all beautiful and representative of who God made her to be and what He intended for her to do...create and bring glory to Him. I believe she did that. I believe she's doing it now. What's incredible is that she did such brilliant work with fallen world materials...I can't wait to see her creations with heavenly materials.
I still want to do all my favorite things like sing, act, write, teach. But now I have a new desire for Mom's brand of creativity too. I guess that's another reason why we get eternity...because this life is too short to do it all here, but I'm sure going to work hard at it-just like Mom did. I guess I'm becoming my Mother.
Also this week I've begun working on a Thanksgiving project. The centerpiece for the Thanksgiving table is going to be a Thankful Tree. It's gold and silver sprayed branches in a vase. On the branches each guest will hang a leaf. The leaves will be made of all kinds of patterned paper. On the leaf we'll each write what we are thankful for this year.
I'm putting together a few crafts for the kids' table so they won't get too bored while waiting.
Also this week I've gone to both Michael's and Hobby Lobby and had a White Chocolate Mocha with a shot of peppermint at Starbucks (Mom's favorite and way off my normal Pumpkin Spice Latte). But the one thing I've done this week that has really startled me into the realization of my altered behavior...while watching QVC in bed last night I grabbed a pad of paper and a pen and wrote down item numbers and descriptions of things I'd like to order. I found too many of these pages to number in Mom's night stand drawer after she died.
Here's the thing...life's too short. Life's too short to do all the things we want to do. Whether it's crafts or writing or shopping or wearing all the things we've ordered or whatever it is. Life's too short. Maybe in some strange way I'm trying to finish things for Mom. The Tuesday before she died, Mom's friend Marion came to visit her one last time. I was showing Marion around the house and came to Mom's craft room. I was frustrated that Mom was dying and she still had so much she wanted to do. There was a room full of projects she'd never come back in the room to finish. Marion said, "Maybe that's the way it should be. We should all be busy, creating, doing. If we ever finish, we'll just quite and give up." That changed my perspective and now I think of ways to fill up more of my days to use the energy and gifts God's given me for whatever time I have here.
But here's the cool part, on top of the days here, we as believers in Christ get eternity to keep doing. Just because we die or enter eternity when Christ returns, we don't cease to be who God created us to be.
I look at Mom's projects here...finished or unfinished. They're amazing. From my wedding dress to an arranged song, to a decoupaged lampshade to a scrapbook page to a floral arrangement to a painting to a recorded solo to any of her creations...they're all beautiful and representative of who God made her to be and what He intended for her to do...create and bring glory to Him. I believe she did that. I believe she's doing it now. What's incredible is that she did such brilliant work with fallen world materials...I can't wait to see her creations with heavenly materials.
I still want to do all my favorite things like sing, act, write, teach. But now I have a new desire for Mom's brand of creativity too. I guess that's another reason why we get eternity...because this life is too short to do it all here, but I'm sure going to work hard at it-just like Mom did. I guess I'm becoming my Mother.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Requested...Milk and Gabriella's first day of Kindergarten
This post was originally sent out on August 13 to friends in an email. It's been added here for some who've asked to read it.
Yesterday my Gabriella began Kindergarten. She was so excited that she got up at 6:30 AM ready to get dressed and go to school. When I picked her up she was just as excited talking non stop telling me all about her day. She talked about making "space bubbles" in gym class and meeting the music teacher whose name is "hard to say so we just call her Mrs. H.". She told me about a boy in her class from Japan and a new friend she played with but couldn't remember her name. She showed me her papers and talked about working on her numbers and "really" learning her alphabet (although she's really known them since she was about 1 year old!).
I thought I was ready for her to go, all prepared. I did OK. But when I walked out of the building I realized all I really wanted to do was call my Mom and talk about it. Sending Gabriella to school was easier than I expected. Doing it without being able to call my Mom about it was brutal. I needed her humor, reassuring words and support. I wanted to share that milestone with her.
Mom loved school so much. She would go out each fall and buy school supplies for herself-even in recent years. She loved colored pencils, twistable crayons and color books (which, by the way, she asked me to buy for her just 2 weeks before she died!)-always creating!
Dad and I cried together. Rob and I cried together. We ALL needed her yesterday.
So, we begin this first new chapter of life without Mom. I wonder if this is how it will be at each first to come...school programs, games, field trips, birthday parties, graduations...I can't imagine I'll ever really get used to doing any of this without being able to talk to Mom. You see, talking to Mom always validated any experience I'd have or was looking forward to. I'm sure I miss her more today than 8 weeks ago.
Well, I'm off to get the oil changed in the car and pick up milk. Life continues. I hope you have a great day-whatever chapter you are in.
Later.
I did leave one thing out of the previous email and after 30 rock solid minutes on the treadmill, the Lord has instructed me to let you know about it. The Lord showed me it was OK to ask you to weep with me while I was weeping, but I failed to ask you to rejoice with me too. Paul says, "Rejoice in the Lord always, again, I say rejoice." He said it twice-must be that even then people needed to be reminded as I was today. But, Lord, my Mom...yes, rejoice. But, Lord, I can't call her...yes, rejoice. "Cast your burden on me...I will sustain you." He reminded me gently that He is my all. He is my comfort, my strength, my shelter, the lifter of my head. During some crying moments yesterday, Ethan (3), came up to me with a tissue and said, "I want to wipe your tears". Precious. A little picture of God's love. So, may we all be encouraged today. How great is God's goodness which He has stored up for those of us who love and fear Him. He also reminded me that I will have all eternity to share these milestones that Mom is missing. And who knows, maybe just maybe she can peak over and see a few of these moments herself. I like to think so. Enough devotions for today. But I am learning constantly and hope you are too.
Yesterday my Gabriella began Kindergarten. She was so excited that she got up at 6:30 AM ready to get dressed and go to school. When I picked her up she was just as excited talking non stop telling me all about her day. She talked about making "space bubbles" in gym class and meeting the music teacher whose name is "hard to say so we just call her Mrs. H.". She told me about a boy in her class from Japan and a new friend she played with but couldn't remember her name. She showed me her papers and talked about working on her numbers and "really" learning her alphabet (although she's really known them since she was about 1 year old!).
I thought I was ready for her to go, all prepared. I did OK. But when I walked out of the building I realized all I really wanted to do was call my Mom and talk about it. Sending Gabriella to school was easier than I expected. Doing it without being able to call my Mom about it was brutal. I needed her humor, reassuring words and support. I wanted to share that milestone with her.
Mom loved school so much. She would go out each fall and buy school supplies for herself-even in recent years. She loved colored pencils, twistable crayons and color books (which, by the way, she asked me to buy for her just 2 weeks before she died!)-always creating!
Dad and I cried together. Rob and I cried together. We ALL needed her yesterday.
So, we begin this first new chapter of life without Mom. I wonder if this is how it will be at each first to come...school programs, games, field trips, birthday parties, graduations...I can't imagine I'll ever really get used to doing any of this without being able to talk to Mom. You see, talking to Mom always validated any experience I'd have or was looking forward to. I'm sure I miss her more today than 8 weeks ago.
Well, I'm off to get the oil changed in the car and pick up milk. Life continues. I hope you have a great day-whatever chapter you are in.
Later.
I did leave one thing out of the previous email and after 30 rock solid minutes on the treadmill, the Lord has instructed me to let you know about it. The Lord showed me it was OK to ask you to weep with me while I was weeping, but I failed to ask you to rejoice with me too. Paul says, "Rejoice in the Lord always, again, I say rejoice." He said it twice-must be that even then people needed to be reminded as I was today. But, Lord, my Mom...yes, rejoice. But, Lord, I can't call her...yes, rejoice. "Cast your burden on me...I will sustain you." He reminded me gently that He is my all. He is my comfort, my strength, my shelter, the lifter of my head. During some crying moments yesterday, Ethan (3), came up to me with a tissue and said, "I want to wipe your tears". Precious. A little picture of God's love. So, may we all be encouraged today. How great is God's goodness which He has stored up for those of us who love and fear Him. He also reminded me that I will have all eternity to share these milestones that Mom is missing. And who knows, maybe just maybe she can peak over and see a few of these moments herself. I like to think so. Enough devotions for today. But I am learning constantly and hope you are too.
Life, post-Disney
I cannot seem to perk up since being home from the Disney trip. Maybe it's because the planning, the build up, and the excitement is now over. I'm wondering what's next, where do I apply my energy?
There is one thing I keep thinking about that maybe explains my emotional slump. The last day we were at Disney World, we raced to Epcot as it opened to be among the first to ride "Soarin". It's a very popular ride and we had been unable to ride it earlier in the week due to the long wait and lack of Fast Passes. It's popular for good reason. It simulates flying over the earth, over every kind of terrain. There's an eagle's eye view for each scene you "fly" over. There's even slight temperature and scent changes (for example, while flying over the orange groves, you can actually smell the oranges). It is truly spectacular.
Most people I'm sure just ride this ride, enjoying it for what it is. A ride, an escape, temporarily being transported someplace other than the normal and mundane. It evokes feelings of freedom, exhilaration, and breathlessness. But then it's over. Most people get off and for a few minutes talk about how cool it was. Then they move on to the next thrill.
But for me, this ride took me someplace else. All I could think about was that must be what my Mom is doing right now. She is soaring and the view must be amazing.
As much as I was enjoying the ride for what it was, it was still just a ride displaying man's imagination. This was man's creation. And I wondered, what will God's imagination revealed be like in the new heaven and new earth? We're clearly told in 1 Corinthians 2:9, "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him."
Man's creation here-"Soarin", and all of Disney, as awesome as it is, it's all still created with fallen world materials. How much more will our hearts leap when we experience what God has for us?
Just before Epcot opened that day, we were waiting. As we stood, the crowd built, the music played. Everyone watched as the Disney staff ("cast members") stood just on the other side of the rope. There were announcements over the music letting us know that in just a few minutes the park would open...Then more music, more waiting. Then finally, the real opening, the welcome, the musical crescendo, the staff moving the rope away and we're off...!
Dad said, "Disney knows how to build the anticipation and then exceed the expectation". So true. For a few months we looked forward to this trip, we planned, we saved, we packed, we traveled...and we did experience the amazing trip we hoped for...actually, more than we hoped.
There's more anticipation building, there's something more coming. No, we are not heading back to Disney soon. But, if you listen for the music and the announcements, you too will know. God is preparing something far beyond anticipation or imagination for those who love Him. When it finally comes, let's go and enjoy...what He is preparing for us will exceed all our expectations!
There is one thing I keep thinking about that maybe explains my emotional slump. The last day we were at Disney World, we raced to Epcot as it opened to be among the first to ride "Soarin". It's a very popular ride and we had been unable to ride it earlier in the week due to the long wait and lack of Fast Passes. It's popular for good reason. It simulates flying over the earth, over every kind of terrain. There's an eagle's eye view for each scene you "fly" over. There's even slight temperature and scent changes (for example, while flying over the orange groves, you can actually smell the oranges). It is truly spectacular.
Most people I'm sure just ride this ride, enjoying it for what it is. A ride, an escape, temporarily being transported someplace other than the normal and mundane. It evokes feelings of freedom, exhilaration, and breathlessness. But then it's over. Most people get off and for a few minutes talk about how cool it was. Then they move on to the next thrill.
But for me, this ride took me someplace else. All I could think about was that must be what my Mom is doing right now. She is soaring and the view must be amazing.
As much as I was enjoying the ride for what it was, it was still just a ride displaying man's imagination. This was man's creation. And I wondered, what will God's imagination revealed be like in the new heaven and new earth? We're clearly told in 1 Corinthians 2:9, "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him."
Man's creation here-"Soarin", and all of Disney, as awesome as it is, it's all still created with fallen world materials. How much more will our hearts leap when we experience what God has for us?
Just before Epcot opened that day, we were waiting. As we stood, the crowd built, the music played. Everyone watched as the Disney staff ("cast members") stood just on the other side of the rope. There were announcements over the music letting us know that in just a few minutes the park would open...Then more music, more waiting. Then finally, the real opening, the welcome, the musical crescendo, the staff moving the rope away and we're off...!
Dad said, "Disney knows how to build the anticipation and then exceed the expectation". So true. For a few months we looked forward to this trip, we planned, we saved, we packed, we traveled...and we did experience the amazing trip we hoped for...actually, more than we hoped.
There's more anticipation building, there's something more coming. No, we are not heading back to Disney soon. But, if you listen for the music and the announcements, you too will know. God is preparing something far beyond anticipation or imagination for those who love Him. When it finally comes, let's go and enjoy...what He is preparing for us will exceed all our expectations!
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Fall
So it's been a while since I've written. I've been so caught up in our trip to Disney. After Mom died, Dad told us they had been setting money aside to take the kids there. So last week on Gabriella's Fall break we went. Boy...what a time! Exhausting and exhilarating on every level.
We stayed with Mom's best friend, Vina, and family and some other friends on our way to and from Disney. Since college, Vina was always a constant friend to Mom. Now she is my friend. Saying goodbye to her to come home was tough for some reason. She is a link to Mom.
When we left for Florida, it was still hot here in Chattanooga. When we came home...it was Fall. We've been home only 4 days and I cannot explain why, but I'm struggling emotionally. I think it's the shock and overload of coming home to Fall, rather than being here while it slowly changed. The Fall has always been my favorite time of year. Mom's too. A few weeks before she died, she kept saying she felt like we were going into Fall, not Summer. I miss her so much. We always liked to do certain things in the Fall...make White Chili, make Mom's chili, go to Trunk or Treat with the kids, make pumpkin orange cookies, and many other things.
I am usually able to drink in these cool, crisp days and they energize me. But right now I feel numb to them, almost unaware of the beauty and changes. I want to pull out my pumpkins, Fall decorations and wreaths, but don't have the energy.
Dad will be moving out of the house soon. Too much house for him now. I'll be helping him get through boxes and make decisions about what to do with all of Mom's office/craft things. I'm not looking forward to it, but know it will help him. The last week of Mom's life I would ask her, "What can I do for you?" She would always answer, "Take care of your father." So, that is what I will do.
I love the Fall. I want to always love it. I'll just love it differently now.
I am reminded in Psalm 105: 3-5
"Gory in his holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice.
Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always.
Remember the wonders he has done, his miracles..."
So, even though I am sad, I will "Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever." Psalm 118: 1
We stayed with Mom's best friend, Vina, and family and some other friends on our way to and from Disney. Since college, Vina was always a constant friend to Mom. Now she is my friend. Saying goodbye to her to come home was tough for some reason. She is a link to Mom.
When we left for Florida, it was still hot here in Chattanooga. When we came home...it was Fall. We've been home only 4 days and I cannot explain why, but I'm struggling emotionally. I think it's the shock and overload of coming home to Fall, rather than being here while it slowly changed. The Fall has always been my favorite time of year. Mom's too. A few weeks before she died, she kept saying she felt like we were going into Fall, not Summer. I miss her so much. We always liked to do certain things in the Fall...make White Chili, make Mom's chili, go to Trunk or Treat with the kids, make pumpkin orange cookies, and many other things.
I am usually able to drink in these cool, crisp days and they energize me. But right now I feel numb to them, almost unaware of the beauty and changes. I want to pull out my pumpkins, Fall decorations and wreaths, but don't have the energy.
Dad will be moving out of the house soon. Too much house for him now. I'll be helping him get through boxes and make decisions about what to do with all of Mom's office/craft things. I'm not looking forward to it, but know it will help him. The last week of Mom's life I would ask her, "What can I do for you?" She would always answer, "Take care of your father." So, that is what I will do.
I love the Fall. I want to always love it. I'll just love it differently now.
I am reminded in Psalm 105: 3-5
"Gory in his holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice.
Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always.
Remember the wonders he has done, his miracles..."
So, even though I am sad, I will "Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever." Psalm 118: 1
Friday, September 26, 2008
Happy Birthday to me.
Tomorrow, September 27, is my birthday. I'll be 38 years old. I have a newspaper clipping with my picture as a newborn in the hospital with my parents. I have countless birthday cards and letters from my parents recounting that Sunday morning in 1970. I have lived a life always knowing how very special I was to my parents. I have never doubted the love they have for me. Tomorrow will still be my birthday. But it will be so strange. My first without my Mom here. The truth is I've spent many birthdays away from Mom and Dad. I was a big "youther" in the church and every fall on my birthday we the youth group, would be away on the fall retreat. Then after graduating from high school I went to NY state for a year of Bible college...far from home. I will never forget that year though. After classes that day I returned to my dorm room to find the room filled with the aroma of birthday cake and a beautiful cake waiting for me on my desk. It was signed from my parents. They had some friends close by and contacted them to give me that surprise. It was precious to me! Then during the years I lived in VA, Mom and Dad would aways make it a point to come to see me and Rob for our birthdays. (My brother, Rob and I shared an apartment in Chesapeake for several years and our birthdays are six days apart.) It was amazing...Mom and Dad would drive 12 hours to spend some days with us, bringing with them a grocery list, a sewing machine and a tool box. They would fill our pantry with food, making home made meals each day, being sure to leave extra for when they would go back to TN. Then Dad would make sure everything from faucets to car brakes worked well before leaving and Mom would mend, hem, add a button, sew a dress, etc. anything that needed her attention. Mom and Dad have always been a team to make me and Rob feel like the most important people on the planet on our birthdays...whether we were together or not.
Although not seeing Mom on my birthday isn't something I've never done before...I've always at least gotten a call. And if we were together I would receive a gift, a card, a hug, a kiss, extra attention from my biggest fan. My overwhelming feeling going into tomorrow is sadness. I know it will still be a great day surrounded by family who love me, but there will be an obvious absence that I dread.
Sheila leads the grief class I'm part of and lost her husband in a plane crash. She describes herself as having a big hole right in the middle. She says it's like you are a wreath, you know the kind you seasonally decorate and hang out for others to see. You try to keep pretty and presentable on the part that shows, but truly you just have a big hole in the middle.
As I turn 38, I'll miss my Mom terribly. But I'm so thankful that I have beautiful, blessed memories to hold onto. I realize many can't say the same things of their lives, Mom's and birthdays. Yes, I am thankful and blessed, even with this big hole in the middle...better go find some birthday confetti to decorate the rest of me.
Although not seeing Mom on my birthday isn't something I've never done before...I've always at least gotten a call. And if we were together I would receive a gift, a card, a hug, a kiss, extra attention from my biggest fan. My overwhelming feeling going into tomorrow is sadness. I know it will still be a great day surrounded by family who love me, but there will be an obvious absence that I dread.
Sheila leads the grief class I'm part of and lost her husband in a plane crash. She describes herself as having a big hole right in the middle. She says it's like you are a wreath, you know the kind you seasonally decorate and hang out for others to see. You try to keep pretty and presentable on the part that shows, but truly you just have a big hole in the middle.
As I turn 38, I'll miss my Mom terribly. But I'm so thankful that I have beautiful, blessed memories to hold onto. I realize many can't say the same things of their lives, Mom's and birthdays. Yes, I am thankful and blessed, even with this big hole in the middle...better go find some birthday confetti to decorate the rest of me.
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